| | "Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, 'It is a ghost!' And they cried out for fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.' And Peter answered Him and said, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to You on the water.' So He said, 'Come.' And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried out, saying, 'Lord, save me!' And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'" -Matthew 14:25-32 Tonight's sermon at CCF was pretty awesome. After everything that has been going on in my life for the past year, I know Whit's talk definitely spoke to my heart. The way he spoke about this particular piece of Scripture made me see it in a totally different light, especially the last part. Until tonight, I always read this thinking that Peter walked out on the water and started sinking because he was doubting Jesus. I suspect that I'm not the only who has thought about this either. But as Whit pointed out, how could Peter doubt Jesus' as the Messiah when He was the One standing still on the water while the wind and waves tossed about? Peter didn't sink into the water because he doubted his Savior- he began to sink because he doubted himself. He knew exactly who Jesus was; he knew that Jesus could command him to come out on the water. He knew the Son of God could do some very big things. But that wasn't the problem. It was believing the he himself was capable of doing big things. And that's where the talk really hit home for me after going through this year of prayer over my calling, and all of the stepping stones I took to get to this place. Doubt is a real soul sucker. It comes with so many faces. For Whit, it was his constant procrastination and pragmatism (as he called it) that pointed to a doubt in his abilities and his fear of failure (even though he's a cool kid that totally rocks at what he does). I can definitely relate to his fears because I know I have the same problem. I think that may even be the key to the long road I took to get where I am. I doubted my abilities, so I skirted the issue entirely by pushing what I loved to do away because I was afraid that I'd be bad at it. I'm afraid that I'll disappoint God (or anyone else, which I realize is a serious problem that should be dealt with). But at the heart of all this doubt is that I have forgotten, which doubt can make you so. For some reason, when I see people who are experiencing doubt, they tend to forget what's real. Doubt is a consuming force that makes you forget what the truth is. I have so many doubts about my recent choices, but I have to remember that God believes in me. He chose me. And He chose me to live large and do big things in His name, just like Jesus did. Jesus didn't do small things. He did amazing things, things that rocked peoples' worlds wherever He went, and whether they liked it or not, they were never the same after they met Him. Before all doubt I have to remember that God knows entirely what I am capable of, and what He's capable of doing through me, and he didn't choose me to live small, shrunken and smothered by my doubts and fears. Doubting myself does nothing but dim my light to the world. I want people to know who Jesus is, and who He can be to them, and to accomplish this I can't doubt my ability to do what God calls me to do. When He calls me to anything, I can't stop and wonder if I'm capable of doing it- I drop what I'm doing and follow Him, and trust He will show me the way. His strength will shine in my weakness, and God willing, the people He has me meet won't ever forget Him afterwards. B |
